Deconstruction: Televsion Couples and Why they Didn't (or Did) Work -- Part I

I have long had a theory about the romantic relationships between fictional characters on TV. Every time you get a Ship together some schmuck complains that the show will now go the way of Maggie and Joel, Ross and Rachel, Dave and Maddie, et al. And I think we're missing a vital component here.

Those couples were douchebags.

Both halves of each couple. They were not only totally wrong for each other, but totally wrong for anyone.

So in this continuing series I am going to analyze TV couples and explain why the show died when they got together.

David and Maddie:
Maddie: A too serious, self important, not particularly bright, bitch.
David: a self important, stupid, childish, hack.

There was no depth the the characters, the only things they had in common was where they worked, the ability to quickly recite snappy dialog, and sexual tension. Once you killed the tension what were you going to do? Have them chat over the Sunday Times and some bagels? Adopt a dog together? Take a ballroom dancing class? The relationship was destine to fail from the outset. They had nothing in common and, regardless of what kind of person you are, if you have nothing in common with the person you're sleeping with then it'll never last past the 3 month fucking-like-bunnies stage. I speak from experience.

Now, it doesn't help that there were set tension, a writers strike (which is what really killed the show), delayed episodes, power struggles between the various actors in the cast as well as the cast and crew as well as various creatives. So it's no wonder the creative aspects of the show were killed.

But the first 2-3 seasons, (before David and Maddie shtupped) were pretty good, partly because the actual sexual tension was pretty much all there was to the relationship between Maddie and David. In addition, the entire focus of the show was a will-they-won't-they dynamic where that was literally one of the only reasons to watch the show. Well, that and dialog like this:

Security Officer: I'm sorry, but you're not on the guest list.
David Addison: That's because we're not guests. We're looking for a man with a mole on his nose.
SO: A mole on his nose?
Maddie Hayes: A mole on his nose.
SO: [to Maddie] What kind of clothes?
MH: [to David] What kind of clothes?
DA: What kind of clothes do you suppose?
SO: What kind of clothes do I suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose? Who knows?
DA: Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, that this man that we're seeking with the mole on his nose? I'm not sure of his clothes or anything else, except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself.
MH: How do you do that?
DA: Gotta read a lot of Dr. Seuss.
SO: I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report, I haven't seen anyone at all of that sort. Not a man who's Chinese with a mole on his nose with some kind of clothes that you can't suppose. So get away from this door and get out of this place, or I'll have to hurt you - put my foot in your face.

But also David and Maddie weren't real people. They didn't do things on the weekends, they didn't have hobbies, they didn't have friends (except for plot devices). There was nothing else too them. So of course, when they finally did it, nothing came next. The show should have ended, because they couldn't sustain the romance...nor would these two dimensional people wanted to